October 8, 2008
It is remarkable how we shift and change in a year, even more remarkable when using a book as a mirror. I plucked Jennifer Louden’s book THE LIFE ORGANIZER: A WOMAN’S GUIDE TO A MINDFUL YEAR from the stacks tonight. Jennifer advocates not reading her book cover to cover, from front to back — but opening it at random, playfully moving through.
She pops into my mind’s eye. We first met about fifteen years ago — she was hugely pregnant and cute, wearing her overalls and tugging her husband along on her book tour — that was for THE PREGNANT WOMAN’S COMFORT BOOK. No, wait, we actually met earlier, when she toured for THE WOMAN’S COMFORT BOOK, at the time, a highly unusual approach to living, long before anyone spoke the word Life Coach.
So I open THE LIFE ORGANIZER and I find challenges that I didn’t even notice the first time around. My way of dealing with discomfort has always been to distract myself, do something else. When I want to cry, I dance. When my feelings are hurt, I bury myself in work. When I hurt and my children hurt, oh I am so grateful that I get to help them — and only them. WEEK ONE, Jennifer says ask yourself “what experience or feeling do I yearn for today?” And she wants you to sit there and allow the feelings to come up, then succumb to your yearnings. The old me was “What. Are you kidding me? I don’t have time to sit still and figure that out.”
And another question she asks “What would help my body feel listened to and loved?” I only had one answer for that. The old me “Simple answer. Sex.” My therapist urges me to be good to myself. What does that mean? She sits with me while I cry through old feelings so they finally move out of my body and out of my way. The new me is getting to be not afraid to embrace fully — to participate in huge hugs. The feeling me wants that full-on experience, much more than the old me needs to protect herself. And the new me wants to feel these pure, fresh feelings completely — which really can’t happen until I recognize the old, clogged feelings and express those. Be kind to yourself, Jennifer says. Can you do that? Speak kindly to yourself, dear.
Oh this book is wonderful. Every page in pastel watercolors. She asks “What is the gift in not knowing?” “What gifts offered to me by the bountiful universe am I ready to accept?” I know that when I read this book a year ago, I thought some of these questions were goofy, and I didn’t have time for them. Now, I realize how precious and centering they are.
Here’s a profound thought to ponder if you are becoming…but not “there” yet. “What would you do differently this week if you were willing to hang out in the gap between what you want and where you are?”
Loving choices.
One choice I made close to two decades ago — every morning I do Julia Cameron’s celebrated morning pages. She says to handwrite three pages — just go, don’t think. Every morning, I write at least one page, often two and three, and one more thing that I’ve incorporated lately. I write what I’m dealing with — then I write “Angels?” And, they allow my hand to pen their wisdom. They remind me of a peaceful state of mind or I get a prediction or just kindness…often leavened with humor. I laugh, and go about my day…and I find they are always right.
I wouldn’t be surprised if they guided me to choose Jennifer’s book — to remind me of those delightful paths we will travel — if we free up to hear the true yearnings inside.
