Hindsight by Maryanne Comaroto
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When I packed up my gear this afternoon, and left The Nines — the elegant new Portland hotel where Maryanne Comaroto was staying — I was revitalized. Lit with love. For Maryanne, my friend. Also, for myself. That, actually, is the point of her book, Hindsight. To connect with that divinity within, and know that love.
When I arrived, she introduced me right away to her husband David — new, since the last time Maryanne and I met for an interview. She said she still remembered that experience fondly. The interview was one of her first — it was about her memoir, Skinny, Tan and Rich, and she cut her teeth on it. We connected deeply, which led us to get together again for an interview about Hindsight.
As soon as we sank into the long velvet love seat in the window — with room enough for four — we began our half-hour interview for my Monday (Live at Noon Pacific) Open Book with Diana Page Jordan on Small Plate Radio Network. It is so easy to talk with Maryanne — the ultra-smart girlfriend with the brilliant opinions. She’s on the right in the photo, by the way.
We open, talking about Skinny, Tan and Rich — about all the hard work she’s done since, to figure out how she got herself out of the loop of alcoholic, no-good boyfriends. That, she says, is where the title Hindsight comes from.
Same guy, different face. Maryanne says we’re either drawn to a man because with him we’re going to make awesome children — it’s a biological DNA-sniffing going on. Or, she says, we find this relationship with this guy comfortable because it’s a familiar feeling — we grew up with this energy. The alcoholic, the abuser, the commitment-phobe. Same guy, different face.
We discuss her exercises on patterns — and this works for guys as well as it does for gals. You list your partners, why you were initially attracted, and why you broke up. A few of mine: Why attracted? Sex. Why broke up? They were commitment-phobes. But, another way of looking at this, Maryanne says, is what is the common denominator? Aha! Moi. Perhaps it is I who is having a tough time committing. Back to therapy.
Not joking. This book is a lot of hard work. She gives the heartbreaking stories of six women — one ended up dead because of choosing the wrong guy, the others ended up broke, or cheated upon, or abandoned. All bright women, but unaware of the same guy, different face issue they had. Maryanne has six tools, including mirrors and flashlights, to see what is truly going on in a relationship, to ask the guy the right questions casually over time, and then make good choices.
I ask Maryanne about this totally hot guy I dated a few times — tons of chemistry, just kissing — but he broke it off after helping his ex (of two months) move, saying it was too soon for him to be in a relationship. And, about this other hot guy who lets me know I’m great — in between his girlfriends. She scolded me. And, this message is for all women who find themselves psychologically hanging around for him to figure out how great you are — men, too. You want to be with someone who totally wants to be with you, finds you irresistible, and gets how wonderful you are.
You can’t get that, Maryanne says, unless you feel that way about yourself.
