Undateable: 311 Things Guys Do That Guarantee They Won’t Be Dating Or Having Sex
By Ellen Rakieten & Anne Coyle
Published March 16, 2010 (Paperback) Villard Books Trade Paperback Original
It’s even in the Urban Dictionary:
undateable – 1 definition – Describes an individual so flawed that they cannot possibly be dated by anyone.
This book – Undateable – flies in the face of the book I reviewed yesterday Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough. So I read Undateable for the laughs and the photos. I don’t do mean – at least I challenge every hypercritical thought that slides through on seeing say, white-socks-with-sandals or speedos or skullets. I’m sorry! I just wrinkled up my nose again.
But, guy, you might just be able to carry it off - any and all of these 311 things – if you’ve got the genuine self-confidence. That - grrr – is sexy. Take the red-flagged Number 13 in the book – embellished jeans. I actually danced all night with a guy at a party recently, wearing jeans that had embroidery on the back pockets – but he had the most sparkling eyes and cutest smile, so I let Number 13 go. I wanted to date him anyway. Too bad – as I found out three days later – he had a long-time girlfriend. Now I’m thinking the embroidered jeans were a telltale sign that he was undateable.
There are four symbols – red flag isn’t the worst, the skull is – it’s the kiss of death. And, it’s marked right on my least favorite – Number 55 “Pregnant” Man. Yep, with the shirt tented out so he looks like he’s overdue. Sorry, I do not enjoy the company of couch potatoes. Most couch potatoes. When I first met my ex-husband he was 28, and leaning back in his chair. He was my boss at the time, and I walked into the control room from my newsroom, took one glance – after one month of employment, mind you – and I said, “man, you look pregnant.”
Oh crap.
But he didn’t fire me. He dropped thirty-five pounds on his coffee-and-cigarette diet. Soon after, we got married. At the beach, and on hot sunny days, he wore speedos. And then he reverted to his “Pregnant” status. And kept wearing speedos.
I’m entertaining myself here; I’m not being mean.
There’s advice – do we call it advice – on what not to wear, say, to and be. And to be honest, I’ve dated most of them over the years. And it would have been okay not to have dated them.
It’s about priorities, right? Well, my friend Suzy asked me a question today out of the blue, that gave me a big clue about what I’m really into. She asked, “What would you really have – a book deal or a husband?”
“A book deal,” shot out of my mouth. Closely followed by, “Because then I could buy a husband.”
Kidding! But not about the book deal.
