Diana's Blog: Quirky Words and Book Reviews

November 30, 2008
Serendipity is my favorite experience, and the universe dishes out dozens of these events to each of us every day. We just have to notice. Here's a little one that cinches together this vastly exciting political season and what is on the agenda for tomorrow.
I am drawn to a book of quotations -- I love just scampering through the pages, mostly just opening at random, and noticing where my eyes light. I pick up THE COMPLETE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO GREAT QUOTES FOR ALL OCCASIONS, and open to a fabulous quotation. Nancy Pelosi, quoted by Hillary Rodham Clinton, says "A woman is like a teabag. You can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water."
Our wise President-elect Barack Obama has extended a hand to his once-fierce opponent, Hillary Rodham Clinton, with a plum offer, and tomorrow, it is said, she will accept, becoming our nation's next Secretary of State.
"A woman is like a teabag. You can't tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water." She is, Clinton is, strong.
It brings to mind Secretary of State Madeleine Albright's comments to me during her interview for her book MADAME SECRETARY. Mdme Secretary said that it was her husband's divorce, and Hillary Clinton's husband's -- well let's call it 'losing his way' -- that forced them both to be strong.
Very strong teabags.
Which reminds me of another Hillary quote -- that got her crucified for months. Thirteen years ago, Hillary Rodham Clinton said, "I supposed I could have stayed home and baked cookies and had teas, but what I decided to do is fulfill my profession."
Look where it got her. Hillary Rodham Clinton will not be pouring tea for powerful world leaders and leaving the room. She's got a place at the table.
Now the journey for Clinton and Obama will be a delicate dance among powerful leaders and politicos, remembering that unity and peace are the primary expressions to heal our nation's bloodied soul.
The dancer Isadora Duncan said in 1929 "People do not live nowadays -- they get about ten percent out of life."
If the water is very hot, and our new leaders prove strong and they live -- our lives, too, will be a lot richer, far more fully expressed, as we join this dynamic dance.
Tea, anyone?

Labels: Barack Obama, book review, Elaine Bernstein Partnow, Hillary Rodham Clinton, Madeleine Albright., Nancy Pelosi, teabags., THE COMPLETE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO GREAT QUOTES FOR ALL OCCASIONS

What does a book called Frommer's 500 Places to See Before They Disappear have to do with hanging out this evening with a bunch of writers? Simple. Writers' creative brains fire off questions, challenges, ideas which bounce off any object lying in sight. Lidia -- one of my writerly friends -- begged me to tell her about Barcelona, and I jotted off a quick story, which I will tell you in a moment. But, then there was more story to tell, and when I got home, I saw Frommer's book sitting on my desk.
Inside Frommer's book -- under Barcelona -- is La Sagrada Familia. Architect Antonio Gaudi began the church in 1882, and although he died in 1926, the church is not due to be completed until 2026. Regretably, I did not have a long enough package of time to see Gaudi's creation...but I did, serendipitously, see one of his other works.
I shadowed three students for a podcast about ESADE Business School. The two guys are married, with children.
But, Tilde is single and ready for adventure, so we go out for Tapas my last night in Barcelona. We follow every impulse -- music signals us to dive down an alley and we find street musicians and folk dancers.Then we dash into Church where Tilde shows me how to tell how popular the saints are by the number of candles on the table before them. This was one of the loveliest:
We try Tapas, enjoying the wonderful concoctions -- many unknown ingredients -- and head for coffee. At one point, I notice how Tilde's impulses and mine are completely aligned, and I say, "Tilde, are you a Leo?"
"Yes,"she replies.
"A July Leo?" I ask.
"Yes," she says, "July 27th."
"I'm July 28th!" I say. And as we open the door to the coffee shop, there are no empty tables, only two tall velvet red stuffed chairs one on each side of the front door -- looking very regal, as if for two Leo's.
But then the table right in front of the window empties, and we grab it. We sit in front of the plate glass window as if we are seated for a performance. And we get one.
A group of guys probably in their mid-twenties stand in front of the window on the alley, their backs to our window, letting the women go by, but cheerfully swinging their arms around men who walk by, and chatting them up. What's up here. We are missing something. The third time this happens, we see the fingers pull bills and a gold credit card from a man's wallet, which flies into the air and lands on the sidewalk. The guy points it out, and we think, "That's nice, he's letting him know his wallet fell out of his pocket." We think, "Did we see the wallet open? Did we see money and cards taken out?"
You know what's coming, don't you.
Two men, who had been seated near us in the coffee shop leave, and suddenly there's a bit more investment in our watching this street theatre. The guy -- with a grown-out mohawk and a striped shirt -- has to reach up to swing his arm, friendly-like, around the man's shoulder. The man is cordial, polite. But, then we see the guy swing his bent leg around the man's left leg. Our man gets what these guys are up to -- why did we not notice this before. The friendliness is an illusion. The guy flips the wallet out of the man's pocket, slick and fast slides the bills out, and drops the wallet on the ground. The man gives chase. His friend calls the policia. Suddenly, there is no one in the alley. No one at all. Tilde and I are dazzled by the pickpocket's choreography, the speed, the skill, but also the predictability -- once we got it. Policia dash by. Then our man comes back. He comes into the coffee shop.
"Girls, watch out," he says to us. "Did you see it? Could you identify the guys?"
"Yes," we say.
"I got my money back," he says. "I left all my credit cards in the hotel. Careful of your purses." And he is gone.
Tilde and I hug our purses, and get on the subway for her home and my hotel. It is windy, and I tell her I am so sorry I had to miss Gaudi's work. She smiles, and points. Just ahead is one of his architectural works:

Check out the gargoyle on the right, and the fascinating tile work on the building. It's pure confection. I still want to see La Sagrada Familiar -- and this trip has reminded me how much I dearly love to travel. I'll keep Frommer's book for reference.
Windblown and exhiliarated, Tilde and I stop by Hotel Sansi where I am staying, and accidentally wake up the night manager who snaps this photograph for us:

Tilde -- from Denmark -- on the left. Amazing original artwork behind us.

Hasta Luego, Espana de la corazon.

Labels: adventure, Barcelona, book review, FROMMER'S 500 PLACES TO SEE BEFORE THEY DISAPPEAR, Gaudi, Hotel Sansi, pickpockets, Tilde, Writers

November 28, 2008
I don't like feeling scolded, so it is with trepidation that I open the book THE ECO CHICK GUIDE TO LIFE: HOW TO BE FABULOUSLY GREEN. The author Starre Vartan has a style of laying out a frightening statement, and I, as a reader, freak out, and she, as the author writes, "Now don't freak out." And then she has a wonderful somewhat painless suggestion for the reader.
The first bit of information that shocked me involved toilet paper. Did you know the softest TP is often created from trees in old growth forests? Makes me prefer that rough, brown small paper -- rougher than any paper towel -- that was provided at four star hotels I stayed in when I visited Khabarovsk Russia in the waning days of the Soviet Far East. Buy recycled TP.
And those expensive designer jeans! Nearly every step of the way, water is polluted and poorly-treated workers are severely underpaid. Options? Not sure if Vartan has one for jeans, but she does for the tops you wear with them. Choose organic cotton, she says, and silk, but not just any silk. Thousands of silkworms are killed in the making of just one shirt. Arghhh! Choose peace silk or vegan silk.
Into the kitchen. Skip the non-stick pots and pans, for the cast iron and ceramic. Pitch the plastic and grab the glass. She's got cleaning recipes in the book. Energy, growing herbs like lavendar, food -- follow the farmer's markets. She's got bedroom stuff, too, and info about pets, and transportation facts.
You know, for a book I thought would be scolding me, this is cute, and interesting, and I definitely feel like embracing as many ideas as I can. Vartan builds a gentle arc back to the grandmother who raised her, and it becomes obvious how we can live more simply, more purely, to have a healthier planet.
This little book is cool -- I can be an eco chick and not feel like I have to wear Birkenstocks. I can wear cute pumps made from naturally tanned leather.

Labels: book review, ecology, Starre Vartan, THE ECO CHICK GUIDE TO LIFE HOW TO BE FABULOUSLY GREEN

November 27, 2008
Happiness is a process, not a place. That's one of the key concepts that leaps from HAPPINESS: UNLOCKING THE MYSTERIES OF PSYCHOLOGICAL WEALTH by Ed Diener and Robert Biswas-Diener. I'm intrigued, having just wrapped up one of the quietest Thanksgivings ever. Happy Thanksgiving, by the way!
Just one of my sons and me -- and he arrived plenty full from Thanksgiving at his dad's apartment. I am intrigued by my lack of judgment over that -- it was just an enjoyable evening, with two-way conversation that was open and honest. A few texts flew in as we -- or, rather I -- dined, and he urged me to peek. A few guy friends. I restrain myself from responding, choosing, instead, to keep the dialog going with my son. My other son called early in the day, and, as usual, we talked long and on varied topics.
In both cases, conversation centered on appreciating the good people in our lives now, and an agreement to help each other achieve our dreams. With my younger son, on the phone from California, we decide we'll make vision boards together when he comes to visit in a few weeks. "That's much better than lists, ma, cool," he says. I took an art class with him his last year of high school -- what an incredible bonding experience, and pretty damn good art came through both of us. We each had a picture displayed in a gallery as a result. A happy time we will find again when he comes up during the holidays. With my older son today, we talk about honesty and happiness. He says people would rather peel away than be honest that they're not happy, and most people aren't happy. I know some happy people, and I'd say that I am innately happy. My sons are drawn to that happiness, and I would say both are happy. The moments when I am not happy, feel more like wonderment, as in "what's going on here?" And I play it like a puzzle, an adventure, and it becomes rewarding, a happy venture in itself.
The HAPPINESS book says happiness is also beneficial to effective functioning -- studies show that we do a lot better when we are happy.
I didn't realize it until recently, but all the work I've been doing with EMDR -- Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing -- is clearing me out. All the crappy thinking, the beliefs built on insane or violent early programming, have fallen away and what is left is clear, sparkling happiness.
And for that, I am very, very Thankful.

Labels: book review, Ed Diener, HAPPINESS UNLOCKING THE MYSTERIES OF PSYCHOLOGICAL WEALTH, happiness., Robert BiswasDiener, Thanksgiving, transcending the trauma

November 26, 2008
It is Thanksgiving Eve -- a creamcheese pie is in the oven, to be rescued in sixteen minutes. Around holidays, I tend to take alone moments and look back and forward. And -- just for the record -- smiles and thoughts of appreciation flash through me dozens of times every day. But sometimes I get pensive.
Today, I received Rachel Pollack's newest book about the Tarot. It is called Rachel Pollack's Tarot Wisdom: Spiritual Teachings and Deeper Meanings. I have a beautiful deck of cards by Anna-Marie Ferguson, my favorite Tarot artist. Anna-Marie is gentle and lovely. I interviewed her about fifteen years ago, and one of her messages which stuck with me was her opinion about reversed cards. She finds the interpretations too punishing, and when she lays down a card and it is reversed, she promptly turns it upright. She says the meaning of the card is what is important. Her deck, THE LLEWELLYN TAROT, is, like Rachel's book, published by Llewellyn Worldwide. I decide to do a reading, and I ask -- as I frequently do -- "what do I most need to know about my life right now?"
I choose one of Anna's spreads -- To Illuminate a Situation -- and 16 The Tower falls in the center, which indicates bringing hidden aspects of the situation to light.
Now to see The Tower show up could freak one out, but in Rachel's book, yes, it could be a warning, but it could also indicate liberation from a binding situation. That would be a blessing. I am working diligently to unbind what I learned about Life as a kid from that which could occur now.
Next, the Queen of Swords appears to the left of the Tower as the situation that is manifesting. Rachel writes that this queen has seen a great deal of sorrow in her life, and she rises above in purity. The Sword represents a pen. If you've been reading my blogs, you know that my life from age four into my twenties was marked by being surrounded by people who raped me, were alcoholic, violent, schizophrenic, and suicidal. This was my path, and my response was, from early on, to seek the Truth and become a journalist, a writer. Interesting card. Above the Tower is the King of Pentacles, representing issues that cannot be ignored. Ah! A reminder about blessings that come my way -- I have learned through experience that no matter what happens in the physical world, I -- like all of us -- will be provided for. The King of Pentacles indicates wealth, success, security, comfort -- and it's a good card if looking for a job. Hmm, I just filled out an ap late last night. To the right of The Tower -- the help I will receive -- the Ace of Swords. Rachel plows through Pythagoras and the Kabbalah so we don't have to. She says the Ace of Swords represents a keen mind and spiritual truth. Finally, the resolution of the situation -- Page of Swords falls beneath The Tower -- the Pages are students, there is an air of caution, a sense of looking back over a traumatic situation, but there is also Magic, bringing transformative ideas down to earth.
There is great depth in this book, a lot of history, but you can still elicit the meanings easily.
I take a deep breath, pull the pie out of the oven, and feel cleared. Most of the day, I have been stuck, and now I take this lesson -- reminders of the goodness in Life -- and I can be honestly, profoundly grateful.

Labels: Anna-Marie Ferguson, book review, Rachel Pollack, TAROT WISDOM SPIRITUAL TEACHINGS AND DEEPER MEANINGS, THE LLEWELLYN TAROT, transcending the trauma

November 25, 2008
The book arrives. White jacket. Picture of Princess Leia -- has to be: brunette, head down, braids wrapped like English muffins by each ear. Holding an empty martini glass, with five little blue/green capsules sprinkled nearby.
I toss it into my big faux hot pink alligator tote and take off for my hair appointment.
The book is by Carrie Fisher. It is called WISHFUL DRINKING, and it is a hoot. Carrie Fisher tells how beautiful and sweet her mother Debbie Reynolds is. I look up from the chair in this home-based salon, and see a black and white photo of Debbie Reynolds with an inscription to Christina Fletcher, my hair-stylist to the stars -- mostly of the 50's through the 80's. I ask Christina, "What was Debbie Reynolds like?"
"Oh she was so sweet and kind. I had her dressed up in velvet, and it was hot out, and she was wonderful about it."
I peek at the inscription. Something about "thanks" and "wonderful" yada yada.
I dip my head into Carrie's book. Daughter of a crooner-philanderer Eddie Fisher and actress Debbie Reynolds, Carrie cuts herself no slack. Yes, she knows she's born of Hollywood royalty, and succumbed to drugs and alcohol -- and turns out she's bipolar. But, she argues to herself, her brother Todd grew up to be okay -- no drugs, no alcoholic. Well, he is a born-again Christian -- so she knows it's not the fault of her environment she kept marrying the wrong guy -- and getting high.
The year after Carrie's daughter Billie was born, Carrie's husband left her for another man. Debbie says to her "You know dear, we've had every sort of man in our family -- we've had horse thieves, and alcoholics, and one-man bands -- but this is our first homosexual."
And being famous as she is, Carrie Fisher is not only a PEZ dispenser, she is also depicted in the Abnormal Psychology textbook. With her Princess Leia photo.
In my family, I've got my own share of philanderers, homosexuals, bipolars, alcoholics, child molestors -- which I grew up to feel were, in some way, my fault. Not so. And, now, thanks to Carrie's piquant view -- I can laugh about it.
Carrie's daughter Billie -- who's now around fifteen -- says she wants to be a neurologist with a specialty in schizophrenia. Carrie argues "Why not a grief counselor? We'll see each other more."
Recently Billie told Carrie she wants to be a comic.
"Natural progression," says Carrie.

Labels: book review, Carrie Fisher, comic, Debbie Reynolds, funny, Hollywood, stars, transcending the trauma, WISHFUL DRINKING

November 24, 2008
Ah! A health book written with optimism, not spankings. There's a lot of head room in SuperHealth by Dr. Steven Pratt. He says we shouldn't feel old until we're 100 -- and then we will have earned it!
Doc Pratt opens by talking about nutrition, and it strikes me that when I was in Spain last week, I enjoyed the broccoli I ate every night far more than I crave my purloined M&M's back home. Broccoli over chocolate? Wow. Who knew. The closer we eat to raw, the better off we are.
Go for Omega 3 food, he says, and Omega 6 -- salmon, nuts, grain-fed beef. Also Vitamin D. And work out. A lot.
Going organic can keep you from ingesting toxins.
Eating fiber fills you up and reduces belly fat.
Cut your saturated fats, and add extra virgin olive oil. Ah-ha -- evidence found in my journey to Spain. Blood sugar absolutely perfect that week.
You gotta work it, baby. And, you gotta sleep.
More SuperHealth -- it's good for your skin and appearance to eat dark chocolate, avocados, oranges, dried fruit, tomatoes, pumpkin -- and drink tea.
He's got recipes, and shopping lists, and suggestions -- like -- tell a joke every day to keep your mind sharp:
So the doctor says to the patient "I've got very bad news for you -- you've got cancer and Alzheimer's."
And the patient replies: "Well, at least I don't have cancer."

Labels: book review., Doctor Steven Pratt, exercise, Mediterranean diet, Spain, SuperHealth

November 23, 2008
I'm on the lookout for a cookbook filled with recipes for the Mediterranean diet. The closest I can come at this moment is COOKING LIGHT ANNUAL RECIPES 2008 and 2009. Two books. Every recipe has a caloric, carbohydrate, protein, sugar, fiber and fat breakdown, so at least you know what you're eating.
Just back from ESADE -- the MBA school in Barcelona -- I was treated there to the best-tasting food I have ever eaten. OMG, the freshness, the lightness, the purity, I was in heaven. And the evidence was apparent -- I saw more than one-hundred students and professors and administration while at the school, and not one was even five pounds overweight -- and that includes two pregnant women. My blood sugar, which I measure five times a day, was perfect the entire week. On the plane home, eating a "diebetic meal,"my blood sugar shot up to double what it is supposed to be. Crazy. Makes me want to move to Barcelona. I worked my booty off doing interviews, but the only exercise I got -- instead of my beloved dance classes -- was walking. The city is vibrant, and people walk everywhere, along with using public transportation. It's winter there now, which is good, because with the sea beckoning, had it been summer, I would have been in trouble. Winter, by the way, is temperatures around 63 degrees Fahrenheit, and lots of sunshine.
Most meals are obviously cooked in olive oil. The bread is dipped in olive oil. There is even fruit served with the dessert. I could not resist the chocolate cake, brownie and truffles. Even then, my blood sugar was perfect. Most nighttime meals feature a delicatedly cooked half-tomato with basil on top, and olive oil pooling around it. Same thing with the broccoli buds. One night at the Sansi Hotel I had sea bass, another night I enjoyed a beautiful cut of steak which I repeated at lunch the day I knew I'd miss dinner for nighttime Tapas, and another night, I had duck. All divine. At lunch one day in the professor's cafe, I had the most amazing Paella Valencia, and tuna. Another day at lunch, I dined with the students and chose fish from the buffet. I found a lot of bones in that fish, and one of the students grinned and said "Welcome to Spain!"
And breakfast featured scrambled eggs, and meats, fresh fruit, some I didn't even recognize, as well as those lucious tomatoes again.
So my education while visiting MBA classes extended into the life the students lead there, especially the diet. To prepare the fresh, simple meals I ate in Barcelona would transform my dietary concerns here. I'm beginning to learn that food -- and life -- can be simple and so delightful.
When I find that cookbook featuring the Mediterranean diet, I will let you know! In the meantime, I'll be experimenting with olive oil, and pouring through cookbooks.

Labels: Barcelona, book review ESADE, book review., COOKING LIGHT ANNUAL RECIPES 2008 and 2009, Mediterranean diet, Sansi Hotel

November 22, 2008
It has been November 22nd for about thirty-two hours for me -- left my Barcelona hotel around eight this morning, and just got home in Portland about 9pm. The bath awaits. But first!
All that time flying afforded me the opportunity to read a scientifically stunning book about the Law of Attraction. It is called THE ANSWER -- subtitle is Grow Any Business, Achieve Financial Freedom, and Live an Extraordinary Life. It's by John Assaraf and Murray Smith.
The duo begins with Copernicus and Galileo and Einstein, and rises beautifully until we come to the scientific conclusion that thoughts are indeed what constitutes reality. It is so beautifully spelled out in THE ANSWER, that anyone who has felt the Law of Attraction or THE SECRET is too airy-fairy will be able to perceive the scientific support for what appears to be magic. Make our dreams come true? Yeah, you bet! One of the key pieces is the part in your brain known as the Reticular Activating System. When you decide very specifically what you want, your unconscious brain will sort information at an unbelievably fast rate and you suddenly think of the right person to call, or the perfect situation presents itself and you recognize it!
Assaraf and Smith give you a working formula to rewire your mind -- backing up for a moment, they quote scientists who say "what fires together gets wired together." Often that relates to trauma, which takes undoing. And that can be done! You meditate, visualize and use affirmations to basically rewire the way you think. If you have a but after every dream, it'll never work. It takes thirty days to change neural reconditioning.
They talk about vision boards -- which I totally love. Here's a quick example -- on my vision board, which I assembled New Year's Eve and New Year's Day -- I pasted a picture of a passport because I hadn't traveled for years, and I love traveling. And, out of the blue comes this all-expense paid trip to Barcelona to interview MBA students at ESADE and sit in on Marketing, Branding, Economic and Spanish classes -- to create a podcast. Totally fabulous! Next time, I'll build in plenty of extra time to enjoy these places!
See your dreams as if they are true, reroute that wiring if you must, and live an exciting life. There are dozens of real-life examples in THE ANSWER, and thankfully, it is very specific, to the point of including how to create a successful business.
You will walk away from this book a winner.
And now the warm bath awaits...wherein I will dream up my next adventure!

Labels: Barcelona, book review, brain, dreams, ESADE, John Assaraf, Murray Smith, THE ANSWER, The Secret, transcending the trauma, vision board

November 21, 2008
My laptop thinks it's around five in the afternoon -- good, it's still Friday. My body is in Barcelona, and, having been playing most of the day, is in an altered time zone. My watch -- which I switched to Barcelona time -- says nearly two in the morning...with the wakeup call for the plane coming in four-and-a-half hours. I have plenty of time!
Technically, I am working all week, but to me interviewing and opening to new experiences are pure play. I have along with me -- correspondingly -- THE RED RUBBER BALL AT WORK: ELEVATE YOUR GAME THROUGH THE HIDDEN POWER OF PLAY book by Kevin Carroll. However, I had no way of knowing until I got to ESADE that the MBA school would espouse those very values.
The first sensory thought as I enter the school is that of Light -- light pours through the glass-walled building, students move light on their feet, spirits are light and joyful. And nearly every student I meet has an ageless excitement built into their demeanor. In classrooms, professors create teams with a collaborative spirit, not a combative or competitive one. Teamwork.
Remember the feel of that red rubber ball on your school's playground? There is a round swatch of it on the cover of THE RED RUBBER BALL AT WORK, drawing me into how play shows up -- delivering Results, using Teamwork, with Leadership and Curiousity. The small colorful book feels good in my hands. Inside, Carroll writes his clever, colorful bios in present tense -- in the chapter about Teamwork, he writes about advertising guru Rebecca Van Dyck. "When she is small, the girl is drawn to outdoor games like kick-the-can and made-up adventures like James Bond, and Explorer." She gets a bit older and leads her soccer team. Older still, and she uses sports to push her own boundaries. The 26 bios and how their play shows up in their "work" include author Malcolm Gladwell, to whom Play is building and creating. Gladwell's astonishing work pulls apart our society into pieces, and, like the Legos he played with as a child, he redesigns what we know and reframes it, to a greater understanding. Author Paulo Coelho -- and, yes I've interviewed both Gladwell and Coelho, to my enormous delight -- is also in the book. Coehlo says the game of marbles taught him to use instinct to knock the real book into play, the book he is meant to write instead of perhaps the book he is literally writing, which he must first kick away.
The lightness, brightness, playfulness of the book gives me the same sense as my week at ESADE. And that is topped off by a night of Tapas and wandering through downtown Barcelona with the lovely Tilde, a tall beautiful blonde Dane, as my guide. I shadow Tilde Thursday, and Friday we play, still learning.
Tilde and I are lucky in the same ways. We playfully walk along the streets, following our impulses.
We happen upon a street dance where beautiful live Spanish folk music livens up the plaza. Further along, a shopkeeper tells us that the store is closed, and then changes his mind and says to come in, we have five minutes.
We easily find seats in crowded bars, once in front of the huge picture window overlooking a street where we watch pickpockets select their prey and playfully spar with the men, slipping cash and credit cards from their empty wallets, dashing away, until Policia are notified and give chase. Street theatre.
We happen upon Gaudi architecture, which I had been seeking all week.
Finally, I say to Tilde "Are you a Leo?" She replies yes. And I follow up "Are you a July Leo?" And she says yes. She is July 27th. I am July 28th.
We love life.
We have smiles on always.
We are safe.
We learn.
We play.

Labels: Barcelona, book review ESADE, Kevin Carroll, learning, Malcolm Gladwell, Paulo Coehlo, playing, smiles, THE RED RUBBER BALL AT WORK ELEVATE YOUR GAME THROUGH THE HIDDEN POWER OF PLAY

November 20, 2008
Maybe I'm getting my MBA cumulatively -- I go to a few classes at Penn State, a few at Hawaii Pacific University, and now a handful at ESADE. It occurs to me that as often as I toy with the idea of going for my MBA, or even just picking up a class in Marketing or Finance, I'm not great at sitting for hours at a time -- in my office, I sit on a large ball so I don't chew my fingers off.
However, I am delighted to be a drop-in at ESADE in Barcelona these last few days - Marketing, two levels of Spanish, Economics, Corporate Level Strategy, and Branding. What is especially cool is despite the years it's been since I was in a classroom -- except for my kids' Back to School Nights -- I actually understand what is being taught, or at least can wrap my mind around it all. You'll notice that none of these classes was mathemathics. I actually brought along my own book -- just in case. A brand new book called THE MANGA GUIDE TO STATISTICS. I grabbed the book before I left for the trip -- curious -- because the guy I was dating had to take a statistics class for pre-law and was so overwhelmed, he said he had no time for a woman. You tell me if that adds up or not.
So I read the Manga guide today -- all cartoons, clever, with a romantic twist built in -- with deviation and probability and all that. It is beautifully explained, but the math is still not easy.
I'm shadowing three different students and interviewing them, their professors, and administration, while taking in the classes. Lo siento, no matematicas.
Tomorrow, before I leave, I hope to take in Gaudi's architecture, shopping, and Tapas with Tilde, one of the three students. Tilde is from Denmark; David is from the US; and my third student, Edward, is from the UK. I requested the hotel staff to coach me on my Spanish, which they're only too happy to do -- there's plenty to correct -- so that's the only immersion I've had. Soon enough, I will be cutting up nearly seven hours of recordings for the MBA Podcast.
It strikes me that whether reading a book -- like the wonderful Manga series -- maybe I'll try Calculus or Physics next -- or whether dropping into a classroom or whether asking thousands of people over the years to answer my million questions -- the connection to learning keeps me thrilled and engaged and ever more curious. That's a kick-butt way to live life.

Labels: book review., ESCADE, M.B.A., MBA Podcaster, Shin Takahashi, THE MANGA GUIDE TO STATISTICS

November 19, 2008
It is nearly midnight in Barcelona, and I have just finished dinner -- and a book -- having succumbed to a siesta I didn't expect early this evening. After reading THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE...LOVE YOURSELF, LIVE YOUR SPIRIT! I realize that, in napping, I was simply following my Spirit.
I've interviewed Sonia Choquette before, and am always delighted with her clarity. For example, once I was to interview her in Las Vegas, and my flight from Portland was delayed about eight hours -- in increments of two. In the meantime, I became friends with several people, waiting at the same gate, and I read Sonia's earlier book, ASK YOUR GUIDES, delighting in her guidance, which served me well -- I allowed the experience to unfold instead of becoming frustrated and upset that the flight was delayed by half a day. Ultimately, Sonia met with me the next day, and knowing only that I was late, greeted me with "The landing gear on your first plane was irreparable, it is a good thing your flight was delayed until they found another plane." Very good.
Intuitive. Intuition, Sonia reveals in this new book, THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE, literally means "inner teacher." And she reminds us to listen in, to ask for wisdom, and gracefully go with what we hear. It is the ego, she says, that gets all riled up and angry, yet life -- even with its bumps and bruises -- goes much more easily when Spirit takes the lead. Sonia says it is not about being right or wrong, for that invites conflict, but about moving out of ego into Spirit -- through dance or laughter or doing what the Spirit finds joyful.
Sonia speaks of soul lessons, and that we each had a talk with God before we arrived on the earth plane, and decided what talents we would have this time around. Clearly, when you do what you love, you are on track. You feel joyful, and there are no fears when you are in Spirit.
Most of my life I've worked very hard to "get better," which to me meant to heal the damage that was done during my childhood -- briefly, to heal the trauma resulting from having been raped since I was four-and-a-half, and from growing up in a household with a tall, dark, handsome violent pedophile and an alcoholic, schizophrenic suicidal mother. But, lately -- after years of friends telling me I'm too serious and too sensitive, I have shifted into a new place. I journal every morning -- an idea I borrowed years ago from Sonia's dear friend Julia Cameron -- but with a twist. About a year ago, I began tagging my journal entries with the question to the Angels - usually a general question like "what should I know?" And lyrical lovely words appear on the page, not always in my typical handwriting. The words come through me -- I feel the Angels do respond, but that could be what Sonia calls Intuition. It doesn't matter -- the message is of Spirit, and I respond. So instead of stressing over job changes, divorce, my sons' life challenges, I dance, and I write, and I smile, and I easily talk to strangers whose Spirits I intuitively connect with, always coming away richer. I glance away from conversations of right and wrong, and find a way to reinforce what is beautiful or strong or gracious about the person expressing these words. And I come away richer. One of the greatest tools -- and Sonia devotes an entire chapter to it -- is dancing. A couple of years ago, I danced to be slimmer, with a teacher who, at times, would get angry with me for not really dancing. Except when I did really dance, and then she would praise me privately. And, when I changed to new teachers, because she moved away, I found a new expression. The choreography was upbeat and uncomplicated, and I let the music take me into the new beauty. Dance from other cultures freed me -- HipHop and Zumba -- with the hip-swinging and ribcage isolations. And before I knew it, my body had a larger vocabulary of movement than ever. And, I was fearless -- I don't consider what people think while I dance. This freedom translates to my writing and to my Life. I can laugh more easily -- another of Sonia's chapters.
I had always thought that once I healed, life would be easy. Her biggest lesson -- I think -- is in the middle of her book -- where she says first we have volunteered to learn our particular soul lesson; second, no lesson is too difficult; and, three, once we learn a soul lesson, another will take its place. Arghh!! Well, that was my first reaction to point number three. But I laugh as I write it, because I have shifted into this place of joy and laughter and dance -- and all these expressions will piroutte your ego right into a place of Spirit where love and kindness abound. Ah, this is a beautiful place to live!

Labels: ASK YOUR GUIDES, book review., dance, ego, joy, laughter, LIVE YOUR SPIRIT, Sonia Choquette, spirit, THE ANSWER IS SIMPLE...LOVE YOURSELF, transcending the trauma

November 18, 2008
It is night in Barcelona and I have taken three or four unexpected naps before dinner -- JetLag, I suppose, despite the homeopathic remedies. I do a few light pirouettes on the luminous cherrywood floor in the hotel - and I recall that my most recent dance teacher, Heather, and a couple of other dancers - out of the blue - commented that I danced very well -- I am doubting them - do they mean 'for my age' or that they are surprised - why do they say this - and why is it not possible for me to gratefully swallow the compliment whole.
I am reading 8: ALL TRUE: UNBELIEVABLE by Amy Fusselman - finally - I have had the book around for months, but could not crack it for fear that it might crack me - but I've already cracked the wall inside me, and memories come pouring out - I don't even need the protective hypnotic lights on the EMDR bar - they just come.
Amy writes like I do here - in chunks of memories that blend into everyday Day Things - and she explains how time is now even when it was decades ago - some things are frozen in time. So I begin reading 8 on the 737 as I head from JFK to Espana. Words meanwhile pop into my head in Spanish now that I am in Barcelona, and ask the hotel staff to ayudame. I want to pull up my high school Spanish and to speak well finally - and then, as I write, I am amused to see that I must translate the Spanish in my head back to English.
She was four, Amy was, when her pedophile - a man in his sixties - raped her - while her parents were away and entrusted the man and his wife to babysit her for a week. I was four-and-a-half when my pedophile raped me - I had on a lacy white blouse and a wool boxpleat skirt and what I called my "frilly pants" -- lacy underpants, which I tucked in the bottom of the hamper after they got all gloppy wet. During this event, I disappeared into the shirt button he was opening - and I went out of my body - I retain a yukky, tummy-turning, deeply upsetting sense any time I accidentally touch buttons. I still don't wear buttons -- not the ones with holes on top - OMG I can't tolerate those senses of deep revulsion and desperation and tears dredged down so profoundly, they are threaded in with the abused organs of my body.
On the plane, I am doing small exercises, pulling my abs in for example, and every time I pull in my abs, something inside, has to roll out of the way, first. And I wonder, asking the question out loud in my head as if for someone else to answer, "does everyone have to do this -- wait for another organ to move out of the way before their abs can tighten?" And I suddenly see another piece of the puzzle.
A few years back, after my two sons were in grade school, I had a tubal pregnancy. I had several imaging sessions and no one could see anything wrong, or even confirm the pregnancy, but tears just spontaneously rolled down my face, from the pain my body felt but I could not acknowledge - must soldier on, you know. Finally, I was refered to an expert, Dr Bair - he noticed that which no one else could -- that the tubes were completely out of normal position, and one was wrapped behind the other. This was some of the physical damage done by my pedophile - his physical presence in my body forced organs out of their natural places. It wasn't until today that I connected the dots between his evil penetration and my organs. As for the tubal pregnancy - by now, the tubes had ruptured, and my body cavity was filled with blood, so Dr Bair planned surgery for that day.
Amy finds proof in her body -- as talk therapy gives way to touch therapy.
The body does not lie - it is a sarcophagus for everything that occurs to us.
I think what happens is the walls between age four and now get knocked out, and the imagination we are allowed to have as children pops back into adulthood as a survival tool - not in making things up, but in allowing unreal things to be true.
Like - how could a grown man have sex with a four-year old girl and think that was all right - maybe he says to himself "I am teaching her to be sexy, so that she will be hot for all the men who might become her husband." That's what my pedophile said to me, believing it. And it came true - I love sex. I am a coming machine. But, I don't know love. Not yet. I will.
Amy, too, has two sons and a husband when she begins to uncover this horror in her life. Why did God not give us girls, I wonder? Would that have been too horribly difficult for us to face -- her-and-us in the same moment, both of us at four, for example.
Amy loves figure-skating - and finds joy in her body. It is the same for me when I dance. And now I think when I was a teen and won Junior Miss Western Union County - and the Poise & Appearance award - and the prize for the P&A section was figure-skating lessons, but I was so afraid - I was being raped then by several men in their late twenties and early thirties, one a lawyer. I want to skate again - to learn to figure-skate. Amy talks of the bliss in skating - that the music lets in your body - and your body explains everything. Not thinking in words. She thanks her pedophile for making her think so much that she had to be a writer - I know that awkward blessing, too! But my dance and her skating give us joy - and reading her words about her pedophile when she was four, kicks off memories - then healing - for me for when I was four and a half until I was just turned eighteen, and I left home for college. But "home" never left me - and now it is a story-without-painful-charge and it is joy and it is praying other girls - now women -and boys - now men -read my words, and open to healing, so the bloodied child is calmed of all wounds, and lives without fear - in Love.

Labels: 8 ALL TRUE UNBELIEVABLE, Amy Fusselman, Barcelona, book review, child sex abuse, children, dance, EMDR, figure-skating, the body tells the truth, therapy, transcending the trauma

November 17, 2008
I am not a dog person. Not really. Although, we had a boy Lab named Beau -- my ex was from Texas -- and then we had a girl Lab named Java.
I'm really a cat person. I say this because dog people and cat people view life through a different lens. And, I picked up the book WOOF! WRITERS ON DOGS, edited by Lee Montgomery. With literary writing about dogs, there are several nuanced threads in each story, instead of the one theme you get in most dog books.
There's the one by Abigail Thomas who gave up her queen sized bed for a king, when she acquired three dogs and, by the way, thirty extra pounds. Takes a lot of maneuvering! Rick Bass tells a poignant tale about his sick dog, Point. The heart-rending story by Mary Otis about Odin, King of Hearts. Her childhood dog is killed, her parents call to tell her, and then say the cop who shot the dog is dead, too, of a sexual hanging accident. Otis dreams of dead dogs and dead cops, and before long, falls in love with Odin, the dog from next door. Or, rather, Odin falls in love with her. The stories are strong, not always likable, but provocative and well-written.
The thing about dogs -- and cats -- is that they teach you, especially when you're not looking. Java used to follow me everywhere around the house, and just at the instant when I was about to turn, she would plop her body down right at my feet. I learned to keep my abs ready to contract, to pop the moving leg higher than I might expect. I learned to do pivots and turns and leaps, just so I wouldn't step on her. At first it annoyed me, and then, when Java got sicker and sicker, I began to miss her, knowing she would be gone soon. So when I would turn around, it would make me laugh to high-step over her.
Outside, when I would take her for her very slow walks, Jasmine, our cat, would show up out from under some bush and walk with us, dancing across the sidewalk, under trees, and greet us a few paces down the sidewalk, only to walk with us again. Neighbors would stop their cars, and say,"Is that your cat? Is it going for a walk with you?" And they would laugh. When we got Jet, another black cat, he would try to come along sometimes, although he never really got the hang of it.
And when Java was gone, it felt empty to walk the length of the kitchen or down the hall -- there was no one to fall under my feet.
But Jet -- who is now thirteen pounds of sturdy black fur -- has decided that he owns this place on my glass desk -- the place behind the monitor, just to the side of the radio console that I use to do interviews over the phone into my computer.
But he stretches out, and he lazily lets his paw fall gently on the mouse. "No, Jet, that's my mouse!" I keep saying.
At first it was annoying, and then I remembered Java's lesson -- how wonderful it became to dance around her big black Lab body. And, now here's Jet, teaching me the same lesson -- or testing me to see if I've learned that lesson. I let Jet stretch out into my space, and embrace this animal's love, even if it crowds me a little. With his strong green eyes, Jet tells me he owns me. I suppose he does.

Labels: Abigail Thomas, book review, cats, dogs, Jasmine, Java, Jet, learning., Lee Montgomery, Mary Otis, Rick Bass, WOOF WRITERS ON DOGS

November 16, 2008
We are wealthy beyond measure. Despite the plummeting stock market, the diving 401K's, the skyrocketing unemployment and foreclosures, you have great wealth. It's all in how you define your wealth -- initially -- and the money will be there.
Ernest D. Chu's book is SOUL CURRENCY: INVESTING YOUR INNER WEALTH FOR FULFILLMENT & ABUNDANCE. Although Chu dominated on Wall Street -- an investment banker and member of the NY Stock Exchange -- a sudden loss of millions of dollars caused him to reinvent himself. He teetered near bankruptcy until he discovered his inner wealth. SOUL CURRENCY is packed with stories of people who awakened to their true passions, and discovered they were being supported mightily by the Universe.
It is a truth that people want what you were born to do.
For example, Michelle Whitedove did nails and hair, and during that conversation women in her industry always have with clients, she began reading for them. And, then, people came to her just for her readings, so she charged them what she would have charged them to do their hair or nails. Finally, the clamoring for her intuitive readings became so loud, Whitedove dropped the beauty duty and became a full-blown psychic. She's good, too -- she has read for me, and she is right on.
Chu goes on to say "Being well paid to do what really fulfills you is a sign that you're immersed in soul currency, the source energy of Spirit." And, he calls the endeavor Adventureprise! I love that -- like a place in Disneyland, only it's all yours.
He says Principle One is to Lead from your strengths -- learn about your heritage and ancestry. That's causing me to think. I'm headed to Spain to do a podcast for ESADE, an MBA school there. And my grandmother was born in Peru, but her people were from Spain. The Angel Lady tonight -- Sue Storm -- another who does intuitive reading for a living -- says to me, "Go, enjoy being a princess. By the way, be aware. You've had lifetimes there. You'll find this visit will be transformative." I will write it here, whatever it is I find.
Principle two is Invest your spiritual capital -- act, when clarity and inspiration come to you, Chu says.
Three, Be unattached to how it looks-- follow your intuition and see where it leads you.
And, Principle Four, Be willing to play big -- heal your counterfeit beliefs, ie, Fear.
SOUL CURRENCY is liberating, lively, and lovely.

Labels: book review, Ernest D. Chu, SOUL CURRENCY INVESTING YOUR INNER WEALTH FOR FULFILLMENT AND ABUNDANCE, you are wealthy.

November 15, 2008
Long before there were affirmations, there were aphorisms. These quotations are spiritual guideposts, soul-quests.
I swing from one quotation to the next like I used to move on the monkey bars...swinging far, farther than I thought possible, praying I would catch it, landing safely, and still swinging, reaching out for the next.
That's why I love a good quote book. I borrowed my mother's beaten blue Bartlett's Familiar Quotations so constantly when I was a kid, she gave up rights and it became mine. Bartlett's, by the way, was first published in 1855. Nowadays it's easy to go online and google a few apt phrases, but there is nothing like a book to thumb through.
THE COMPLETE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO GREAT QUOTES FOR ALL OCCASIONS, assembled by Elaine Bernstein Partnow, opens gracefully to one of the fundamental quotes I wore inside my heart from the time I first read it. I was about eight or nine, and the spark was renewed every time I saw the poem, or even phrases from the poem.
Langston Hughes' poem Dreams first appeared in a book called Golden Slippers: An Anthology of Negro Poetry for Young Readers in 1941.
Hold fast to dreams / For if dreams die / Life is a broken-winged bird / That cannot fly
Even now my body shudders with tears. A surprise.
Did Langston Hughes know some twenty, thirty years after he wrote that poem for little black girls, that this little white girl would have drowned in pain without its beacon?
Damn, I can't quit crying.
Tears are pouring down my face. Unspent tears that had been stored behind some wall inside that just collapsed. It was useless to cry then -- what could I do to make my violent stepfather happy, I couldn't figure it out. I did everything I could think of. Everything. What could I do to stop my mother from getting so drunk she kept falling and ending up in the hospital, or taking too many pills, or finding sharp knives. What could I do to make them happy? My younger brother and sister, I tried to mother them, but I made mistakes. What good was crying. Crying got you smacked.
But I could dream. Oh God I could Dream!
Did you know that, Langston Hughes, with your poem, that you saved my life, you told me I could dream, and that someday I would fly.
Now my nose is dripping and my eyes are red, and I don't know if it's tears or what licking the edge of my lips.
My cats have come to sit with me. They don't understand these loud noises coming from my chest. These are ancient tears, shed for the little girl who gave all she could and couldn't win, shed for all little boys and girls of every color who don't fit and who try to imagine a tomorrow where smiles will come easy.
Hold fast to dreams / For if dreams die / Life is a broken-winged bird / That cannot fly
I dreamed -- when I was a little kid -- that if I worked hard in school and read a lot of books, I would learn how to escape the pain...and someday I would live freely and laugh easily, and dance wildly and write passionately...and find that love is kind.
I made it.
Langston Hughes, thank you for your blessed words. You saved my life.
And now I'll go get that tissue.

Labels: Bartlett's Familiar Quotations, dreams, Elaine Bernstein Partnow, Golden Slippers, Landston Hughes, THE COMPLETE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO GREAT QUOTES FOR ALL OCCASIONS, transcending the trauma

November 14, 2008
You've seen self-help gurus stand up and evangelize about how they succeeded in life, and how, if you follow their steps, you can too.
Well, it may not be that easy. In Dr Daniel Amen's latest book MAGNIFICENT MIND AT ANY AGE: NATURAL WAYS TO UNLEASH YOUR BRAIN'S MAXIMUM POTENTIAL, Amen says our brains are sometimes out of balance, and we can't simply get there by just visualizing.
Several years ago, I interviewed Dr Amen and was mesmerized by his brain scans -- some lovely and smooth, others shot through with holes. You can guess which brains belonged to the drug-addled. But sometimes other lifestyle issues contribute. And traumas -- psychological and physical -- make their mark as well.
Amen talks about EMDR -- Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing -- a treatment to extricate traumas from your brain. I've been using EMDR for more than a year to resolve the emotional distress from being raped from age four-and-a-half, and growing up in a violent, alcoholic home. It is magical! Painful process, but magical. EMDR is being used for combat trauma, even car accidents. I know I still have the physical memory and trauma from the impact and sound of broken metal and glass from when a small pickup I was in was hit by a logging truck, and I went through the windshield. 66 stitches in my forehead, two black eyes, broken nose, but the most amazing Near Death Experience. I'm not messing with that experience. I am grateful for the NDE.
Gratitude is another blessing for your brain. Dr Amen tested psychologist Noelle Nelson while she was writing her book THE POWER OF APPRECIATION -- I interviewed her about her book, and since then, I pack my mental day full of "thank you thank you thank you!" Amen scanned Nelson's brain twice -- once when she deliberately crammed her brain with thank you's and an appreciation meditation, and second, when she experienced a string of frightening thoughts, meditating on fear. Amen says her frightened brain looked very different from her grateful brain. Amen found that negative thinking shut down the part of the brain dealing with coordination -- no wonder, he says, athletes mess up when they're thinking negatively. When Nelson was grateful, her brain looked very healthy, quite different from her frightened brain.
Here's a snapshot view of making yourself a magnificent mind -- Dr Amen says to exercise, eat nutritious food, skipping the caffeine and nicotine, sleep well, exercise and take fish oil...and you'll be that much closer to making your dreams come true!
Sweet dreams!

Labels: book review, Dr Daniel Amen, EMDR, MAGNIFICENT MIND AT ANY AGE, Noelle Nelson, THE POWER OF APPRECIATION, transcending the trauma

November 13, 2008
If you've been feeling overwhelmed lately -- the election, the economy, Halloween, M&M's (oh, you are paying attention) -- then you deserve this adorable little book. It is not necessarily life-changing, unless you happen to recall the specific rule-of-thumb at precisely the moment you need it, but it is delicious fun. Beginning with those M&M's. The book is called RULES OF THUMB, and the rule I opened up to -- is someone trying to tell me something...? -- is that 54 M&M's have the same caffeine content as two cups of coffee. And, here, I was trying to figure out why I've had this headache since Halloween that won't seem to go away. Okay, I finished the damn bag of M&M's and I swear I will not go out and buy another one. I swear. That is a lot of caffeine! And, I drink maybe three lattes a month -- half-caf.
The author of RULES OF THUMB: A LIFE MANUAL, Tom Parker, says his first collection inspired the famous, the friendly, and the infamous to send in suggestions. So the book, he says, is not so much a book of facts as a book of experience.
Here's a fact that I found very amusing -- after I saw who sent it in: Whenever you do something wrong, your boss remembers it as three times that number, and if the total number of mess-ups is greater than three, then you boss remembers it as "always." The sender: Evan Christensen, Unemployed.
Here's for my friend Ron -- wherever he may be -- who works a split shift and the first part is very, very early. He's always trying to catch a nap: An hour's nap in the middle of the day equals three hours of sleep at night.
If you're worried about being audited, P.Douglas Combs contributes that to make an audit worthwhile, the IRS must find an additional $300 of additional income or erroneous deductions per hour of investigation.
Going to spend your lunch break catching up on errands? Here's some helpful math: If you know exactly what you want and where to go, it will take you twenty to thirty minutes to shop for that one item. Therefore, if you need three different things, count on being gone for up to an hour-and-a-half.
Want to make your on-line video marketing campaign a success? 50-percent is based on content. 15-percent on the title. 20-percent on the thumbnail image of the video, and 15-percent on promotion of the whole package.
And one more...because you've got to get this book. And because I have a date, and have to get out the door.
It's about eye contact. Two people who stare into each other's eyes for 60 seconds straight will soon either be fighting -- or making love.
I wonder if I should try that on my date...?

Labels: book review, fun., MandM's, overwhelmed, RULES OF THUMB A LIFE MANUAL, stress relief, Tom Parker

November 12, 2008
I don't drink. But that doesn't preclude me from meeting a friend for Happy Hour at Sinju, a restaurant in the Portland suburbs. We sit comfortably between the roaring fireplace and the tinted red windows, eating the most divine shrimp tempura I have ever tasted. Cindy Anderson, my friend, is introducing me to just one of the more than 200 fully-rated restaurants and bars in her HAPPY HOUR GUIDEBOOK. It's the third edition, and this one has free coupons and maps, and it's slim enough to slip into a guy's back pocket.
Sinju is not a place I would naturally venture into, but Cindy's description makes it inviting, and I know the neighborhood, so I meet her there. That's exactly the point -- the emphasis is not on the drink, but on the quality of the food and the drama in the environment, and the adventure of trying new places with new friends, or with people you've known a long time.
Cindy tells me that Portland is unique -- it's one of the few cities that has Happy Hour, grown out of a competition between restaurants like McMenamin's and Stanford's.
When I first met Cindy about four and a half years ago, she posted that she was testing Happy Hours and was welcoming assistance. I was dubious -- how could anything around alcohol be good, I wondered. My little joke to guys I date who wonder if they should drink around me is "as long as they stay vertical in their chair, I'm okay with it."
But Happy Hour can actually be happy. It doesn't have to be abused. People don't have to get mean and drunk, and break glass and shove holes into walls and bleed. That typical scene from my childhood is a 180 from the lovely ambience and spectacular food on tidy little plates that Cindy rates in her HAPPY HOUR GUIDEBOOK 2009.
It is a pleasure to re-script, and create new memories.
Although I'll stick with my Diet Coke.
No ice.
No straw.
Salud!

Labels: alcoholism, ambience, book review., Cindy Anderson, HAPPY HOUR GUIDEBOOK 2009, transcending the trauma

November 11, 2008
There is so much information available to us...if we just tune in. As much as this can be painful, it also helps us to move forward. One of the most serendipitous methods around...is to just pluck a book from your bookshelf or stacks, and -- with a prayer in your heart to be illuminated -- open at random.
The book DAILY OM: INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHTS FOR A HAPPY, HEALTHY AND FULFILLING DAY beckons. It has a bright white cover, with a stalk of bamboo trailing the left side of the front. I open the DAILY OM at random.
Oh, no fair.
The chapter I open to says OPENING TO FEEL: WAYS WE NUMB OURSELVES. And right there is the list of lovely distractions -- no, I don't do alcohol or food or shopping or TV, but I've been doing M&M's since the Halloween trick or treaters abandoned my door around 9:45pm October 31st. I left the light on till close to midnight.
M&M's are my drug of choice. When those ran out, I ran out to the 24-hour Walgreen's and bought two bags of Christmas M&M's. They were on sale. And, as of about an hour ago, those red and green M&Ms are all gone as well. I am tempted to make another run, but seeing myself open this book to this very page...arghh!!!
Candy -- or TV or shopping or food -- distracts from what we feel, just as we need -- crave, really -- and that is spiritual nourishment. The author Madisyn Taylor writes, "Traumas and pain long hidden will emerge to the forefront of your consciousness and reveal themselves so that you can heal them."
Ironic that I spent ninety painful minutes today in the therapist's office, dancing with these very traumas.
So I pose a general question before I open the book to another page "what else?"
Oh, really no fair.
Now I get REINVENTING THE PAST: HEALING YOUR INNER CHILD. Who? the one who craved M&M's as a child -- crunchy on the outside, sweet on the inside? That's a vestige, a symbol. When you get raped as a child -- over and over -- by someone who is supposed to take care of you, things get very confused...and can mess things up in the present. Unless you heal that little child. My therapist reminds me how strong I was as a little girl.
I remember once when I was a teen, boarding a bus in NY, this older woman wanted to get on, too. She had gray hair, pink dots of rouge on each cheek, and she was carrying a doll. She was wearing a little girl's dress, although it fit her. And, she was talking to herself. I knew instantly what had happened to her -- she had been sexually violated, probably as a five-year old, like I had -- and she had cracked. The busdriver kicked her off. I couldn't say a word -- my mind had gone pre-verbal, and I had no words. But it was a powerful lesson to me. That could be my future. Or, the ladies with the teensy skirts and nothing on under them, flirting with men at the bus station at 42nd street -- this was before Rudy Giuliani cleaned up Time Square. I could be one of those ladies. No. My soul was stronger than that. I had a battle today in the therapist's office -- between the tough little girl who survived and that soul that knows the peace of the angels.
The DAILY OM -- that chapter about healing the inner child -- Taylor says to ask why you're attracted to certain people, feel what your child-self is feeling, and finally, offer that child a hug infused with love.
There was a moment today, when that five-year old girl inside stepped aside a little bit, to let the woman-I-would-have-been take another step in...and open her arms. There was a moment when they shared the same space, and they realized it could work. And it will happen. This journey of transcending the trauma is perilous -- and joyous. And, moments of serendipity are delightful and illuminating guideposts along the way.
Pick up a book. Open it. See what is reflected. And know that you are loved powerfully.

Labels: book review., books, DAILY OM INSPIRATIONAL THOUGHTS FOR A HAPPY, HEALTHY AND FULFILLING DAY, Madisyn Taylor, reading, serendipity, transcending the trauma

November 10, 2008

There is a glowing introduction to Marc Acito's reading at Wordstock Sunday, by a man whose name I did not catch, isn't noticeably in the program, but who has apparently been a dinner guest of Marc's many times. The man says he wishes he were Marc, whose plate is filling up with glorious movie offers, adventures, new books to write.

Hey, I wish I was Marc!

Marc reads an outrageously funny chapter from his newer book ATTACK OF THE THEATRE PEOPLE. Edward Zanni, his main character is stoned, and gay, and madly infatuated with a Bruce Springstein knock-off who has great pecs and abs.
I feel the longing. And, the laughter.
This is the sequel to Acito's first book, HOW I PAID FOR COLLEGE: A NOVEL OF SEX, THEFT, FRIENDSHIP AND MUSICAL THEATRE, which I totally fell in love with.

Which is not surprising since Marc and I both grew up -- about a decade apart -- in the Jersey suburbs of Manhattan. I interviewed Marc when HOW I PAID FOR COLLEGE was first published. In that book, Edward and his high school friends are pulling every trick in the book to pay for his tuition to Julliard. It is sweet and naughty and funny....and somehow familiar.

After our interview -- which took place in Portland, Oregon -- I say to Marc that the high school in his book reminds me of my high school, and the kids remind me of the drama queens I used to know, and they were as much outsiders as I was, as a journalist, A-student, and class historian. Marc says the book was based on his own experiences -- at his New Jersey high school.

Remember, we're in Portland, thousands of miles -- and a couple dozen years -- away.

"Which New Jersey high school?" I ask cautiously.

"There were actually two high schools represented in my book," Marc says, and when he names each one off, I can't help screaming, "that's my high school!"

Instantly -- and probably forever -- Marc Acito and I are friends -- bound by New Jersey, that high school, and lots of hugs.

So, in the nasal New Jersey accent I used to have I say to you, "So I'm tellin' ya -- ya gotta buy his books. Ya gonna love 'um."

Labels: ATTACK OF THE THEATRE PEOPLE, gay, high school., HOW I PAID FOR COLLEGE, Marc Acito, Wordstock. book review

November 9, 2008
Dashing across the street -- racing light showers -- I arrive at the Oregon Convention Center just in time for readings by Monica Drake and Marc Acito at Wordstock. I'll tell Marc's story tomorrow. Monica -- who has written the brilliantly funny CLOWN GIRL, goes first, reading a chapter from a novel she is writing. I have heard an earlier carnation of that chapter because we are in Workshop together. It is fresher and funnier than I remember. Lately, we haven't heard much about Georgie, the new mom, who, in this chapter, thinks she's being called back at her work, post-pregnancy, to introduce a luminary at a conference, where the stars are actor Johnny Depp and numerous literary figures. Georgie's thrilled anticipation over whom she will be introducing, mingles with despair over the breast milk dotting her gorgeous green silk and hemp blouse.
Minutes before the performance today, I run into Monica just outside the room where some fifty people await her. She's on the cellphone, she waves to me, her eyes dart wildly from corner to corner of the convention center. She communicates with me by key words. I know what she means. Any mother would.
But it is now 11:30am, and Monica has taken the stage not knowing who has her four-year old daughter. She reads four words from her chapter, and her phone goes off. No one is on the other end. She briefly explains to the audience that she can't find her four-year old daughter who was sent off with one friend, but now might be with that friend's husband. I'm sitting in the front row, and cannot imagine the tension she must feel. Perform. Where's my daughter. Oddly, these are the feelings that Georgie has -- the new mom in her story.
Motherhood doesn't turn on and off. A few years ago, I was on the air and learned of an earthquake in Chile. One of my sons was in Chile with a group from Outward Bound. In between newscasts, I called the home office in North Carolina, asking Outward Bound about the safety of my son and others. There was a long silence. Fi