Diana's Blog: Quirky Words and Book Reviews

November 8, 2008
The slim volume can slip into the smallest of purses or a jacket pocket. Take it with you. The wisdom in AND NEVER STOP DANCING slips in and keeps challenging, poking at my thoughts. The subtitle is THIRTY MORE TRUE THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW NOW. My plan was to read a few of those things, but I couldn't stop. Much like Robert Fulghum's writing -- ALL I REALLY NEED TO KNOW I LEARNED IN KINDERGARTEN -- Gordon Livingston's observations slip in, simple and eloquent.
Livingston is a psychiatrist who takes us back to 'Nam, on a six-month sailboat journey with several other men over sixty, into marriage, into what plagues his patients, and he dances from subject to subject, never stepping on toes.
One of the topics Marriage ruins a lot of good relationships reminds the reader that it is painful and senseless to live like accountants -- "you never do this," "yeah, well you always do that." More valuable, Livingston counsels, is to use your intuition and choose your partner carefully, so that love and collaboration lead the way, not fear and annoyance.
In another vignette, he speaks of what lies beneath the anger that is often expressed -- it may well be sadness. Why not express that vulnerability instead?
And forgiveness, do we truly understand that -- especially, Livingston writes, with child abuse, murder and other evils in existence? I have often been asked that -- have I forgiven my mother and stepfather for their gifts to the child-me of rape, neglect, abandonment, her suicide attempts, drinking and mental illness, his violence and torture?
Maybe I've never allowed myself to experience the anger that some say I "should" have. Maybe I really did understand at a very young age that they were doing the best they could. Maybe my ability to see angels and to see a scrim of past lives over their present day faces gave me information that allowed compassion.
You may wonder why I use the word "gift." So many times I wish that what had happened, hadn't, because that pain taught me untrue beliefs that today I find limiting, and I must face each one down, rewriting the mental code. And that thought -- of wishing it hadn't happened -- is immediately followed by the knowing that I have experienced an incredibly full range of emotion, passion, and compassion in this lifetime. That perhaps my transcendence of this trauma is or will be an inspiration to another young woman or man that capitulation to this tragedy is unnecessary, that you can make it out alive and be richer for it!
Forgiveness? It was written in the stars, the story I was to live. I appreciate this gift. And, when I have a hard minute or two because I sink into the ego part of me that feels abandoned again or abused, it is nearly always followed by a bright light, a soul reminder that we are not tethered to what happened, even as our bodies can express this trauma from decades past as if it is this moment. An angel appears, and I am healed again. Or I write. Or dance. I dance a lot -- yesterday morning I danced Zumba (salsa, meringue, flamenco), in the evening I danced the complex choreography of lyrical hip-hop, at noon today, I danced Groove, and when the teacher called for one chane turn, I let my body do three.
The title of this book is AND NEVER STOP DANCING...it comes from a true story. In Tel Aviv, several years ago, a bomb killed two dozen young people in a disco. They refused to be cowed by the terrorist act. A memorial appeared with a sign listing the names of those killed and the inscription: Lo nafseek lirkod. It means We won't stop dancing.

Labels: AND NEVER STOP DANCING THIRTY MORE TRUE THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW NOW, book review., dancing, Gordon Livingston, Groove, hip-hop, MD, Robert Fulghum., Tel Aviv, terrorism, transcending the trauma, Zumba

September 15, 2008
It was a complete disaster on Wall Street today. Dis-aster -- from the Latin meaning against the stars, or the plan. Thousands lost jobs or money or both, as Lehman declared chapter eleven, and Merrill Lynch was gobbled up by Bank of America for metaphorical pennies, and AIG was flailing. The Dow plummeted 504 points by the end of the day, the worst one-day fall since 9/11. There was no Uncle Sam to rescue, dressed as a knight in shining armor. Not this time.
Wall Street is licking its wounds. It was in freefall this morning when I talked with Chioma Isiadino from her home in New York. We were about to discuss her book, THE BEST BUSINESS SCHOOLS' ADMISSION SECRETS. In our interview, she said candidates will have to decide what to do if they are applying to get into an MBA program and get their pink slip. Or, if they suspect they soon will, should they jump ship? One thing is for certain, the sheer volume of applicants will no doubt increase dramatically. But Chioma and Scott Shrum, the author of YOUR MBA GAME PLAN, whose book I read tonight, agree that if you are laid off, you cannot give the board the sense that you are applying to their school because you have nothing better to do! Briefly explain what happened, then illustrate how business school fits your life plan.
Chioma emphasizes your ability to articulate your brand, which is the heart of her book. Scott's book has a handful of chess pieces on the cover, and that is a great metaphor for his content. It is greatly appreciated that Scott opens with the reminder that no one is perfect, and applicants must strategically round out their dimensions -- community service (it is a must!), GMAT score, hobbies, international exposure, professional experience and transcripts. He mentions eleven different profiles from consulting and creative to marketing and military. I was delighted to see his comment under "creative" that if you want an MBA, that makes you qualified to apply. And then of course you get to be extremely creative in your essays tying your wild adventures to B school.
It all ties back to your life plan. What was writ in the stars? Certainly few people on Wall Street wished for disaster today. I have come to believe that the mysterious forces -- that shake you from a comfortable seat -- are the most precious.
I work in all media, but radio has been my primary industry for a couple of decades. I'd never been laid off -- until a couple of years ago, from a CBS station -- and that sent me scurrying to the corners of my mind. What are my skills? What do I love? With whom can I connect? It opened my eyes in a new way. At an on-camera audition I found on craigslist, I met Mercedes Rose, a local voice talent who introduced me to voiceover classes that began to push me out of the "news" box. I began dancing all out -- hip-hip, groove, Zumba. I was already interviewing authors, and began media-training them. One author introduced me to her agent who has mostly high-tech clients, and suddenly I'm doing podcasts for them. And I spotted an ad from an LA-based Dinner Grrl looking for radio interviewers for her show MBA Podcasters. Ah! And now I'm seriously thinking of going for my MBA. And I wrote the memoir I promised myself at age seven that I would write someday.
That so-called disaster actually put me back on course.
And when I was on my way to Penn State to do a podcast last month, and had a flight delay in Philly, I bought this tiny dancing Swarovski star on a silver chain as a reminder -- to keep dancing on my own path.

Labels: Chioma Isiadinso, dancing, Dinner Grrls, disaster, Dow, Mercedes Rose, online MBA program, Scott Shrum, star., THE BEST BUSINESS SCHOOLS' ADMISSIONS SECRETS, voiceovers, YOUR MBA GAME PLAN, Zumba

I was out dancing Saturday night with a date. I don't drink, which means I can have an unjaundiced frame of mind. It can get pretty drunk on the dance floor, especially among the women, dressed in short tight dresses, showing cleavage, showing off for each other. We danced until close to one in the morning, then got a bite to eat downstairs, next to an open door, next to a stream of men and women lined up, hoping to make it in.
But this is nothing like NY. Nothing like the Meat Packing District, where Alafair Burke's beautiful underage blonde from Indiana flirts her way inside an exclusive bar. And then gets killed.
As we settle into her friend's mansion in SW Portland this afternoon, up in the fully furnished loft, with a pool table and a huge TV, she divulges that she's read my book blog from the previous day. My hand is tipped, but I will ask about her famous dad when it feels appropriate in the arc of the interview.
But first, Alafair tells me that she's been on both sides of those partying nights when everyone is too loaded to know what's good for her -- and she wants to stay or she wants her friends to leave with her. I remember those days, too, but because I can't remember what happened next -- and other people would remind me the next day -- or ten years later -- that's why I quit drinking fifteen years ago.
Alafair cites cases like Natalie Holloway who partied in Aruba on a school trip, and vanished. And there have been other beautiful young women. Too many. That concept sparked this novel, centered around the beautiful, savagely murdered Chelsea Hart. That was the hardest part to write, Alafair says, how Chelsea was cut and slashed up, her tresses chopped off at crazy angles.
Alafair's newest books have been starring Ellie Hatcher, in NYPD, who's climbed her way up to homicide detective too fast, in some peoples' opinion. A clue. Maybe. Alafair hopes readers fall in love with Detective Ellie enough to make her an ongoing character. I do. I read Ellie as cool, funny, smart, very real. Actually, a lot like Alafair.
How did her dad -- bestselling author James Lee Burke -- influence her? She says she saw him absorbed in his craft -- and few know this -- but her mom was a school librarian. Books were all around the four siblings -- now all successful. Alafair says her dad was always very encouraging. "He must be proud of you, " I say.
She laughs, "He'd be proud of me if I wrote the phone book."
And then she adds, "He says I was younger than he was when I made it."
Salud to Ellie and to Alafair!
Here's the Angel's Tip recipe, credit to Alafair:
Shake two ounces of Vanilla Vodka with an ounce of Creme de Cacao and a tablespoon of Bailey's with ice in a cocktail shaker. Strain into a martini glass, garnish with maraschino cherry.
A Diet Coke -- no ice -- over here, please.

Labels: Alafair Burke, ANGEL'S TIP, books, dancing, drinking, James Lee Burke, quitting drinking, transcending the trauma